And so my journey begins...

I want to begin by introducing myself and sharing some background information with you. I hope this will give you a better understanding of what changed my entire view on life.

 

My name is Kim. I am a professional single mom of three teenagers. My oldest just turned 18. He was blessed with Asperger's Syndrome. For those of you who haven't heard of  it, this is an autism spectrum disorder. It affects the social component of life. They are often viewed as eccentric by society. Many famous people have Asperger's because of their ability to excel beyond normal capacity in specific topics or subject matter. My son is a born writer. He comes up with brilliant stories and ideas that blow me out of the water. The problem is that being so brilliant tends to weaken his strengths in other areas. For example, he still can't tie his shoes and he is completely reliant one me for all activities of daily living. Sharing this challenge will be important as I begin my discussion on issues mangy single moms face. I also have a 16 year old son who is as wonderfully stubborn and determined as his mother is. I suspect I have shared my ADHD with him. We are quite the combo.My daughter is my youngest. She is fourteen. She has always lived in a single parent home. She is beautiful, bright, and very caring. She is also a rebelling in a serious way. I have watched her behavior, self confidence, and self success go down the drain rapidly. She recently got into trouble with the law. This was the event that triggered my entire life path and opened my eyes.

 Over the years, I have done what I think most single moms do: I worked hard at getting a better education and advancing my career. For over fifteen years I have worked in public health, mostly HIV/STD services. I have a wealth of knowledge on this topic. I worked my way up the chain and became the clinic supervisor. I thought I was doing the right thing. Sure I was tired and didn't get to spend as much time with my kids as I wanted. To make up for my lost time, I overcompensated. I made sure they always had money in their pockets. I rarely said no. I did all of the housework and maintenance myself because it was quicker and easier that way. I asked them about school and told them to do their homework. I always told them how much I loved them. What I didn't do was show them. I gave them money but didn't show them how to save it, I made their dinners and washed their clothes, because it was easier then trying to get them to help. I may have encouraged homework but I didn't go through backpacks or help them become better learners. I talked a lot when I should have been listening and observing. 

I spent several years living this life and always felt something was off-kilter. To be honest, I don't think I ever really took the time to find out what is was. I just kept on spinning my wheels getting no where. The more I made, the more I spent. The more I achieved at work, the harder home life became. I was in the middle of a never ending game of tug-a-war. Balance is hard. It wasn't until my daughter got into serious trouble that I knew I had to stop everything and come to a complete halt. I went on FMLA leave from work, sat down, and prayed. I have never been a religious person, but I have always believed in a higher power. I opened myself up, asked for guidance, and promised myself to really listen for the first time in years. I cannot explain to you the immediate release I felt when I turned to faith and quit living in fear. I began to understand that success for me was all about " growing" my family. I also began to understand that in order to "grow" I had to be willing to devote myself to them 100%. I realized that I had to give it all up to gain it all back. We are all different and I know my strengths and struggles. In order to succeed I had to take a leap of faith into the unknown with only my higher power as a parachute. 

So, I gave up my  $74,000 annual salary  to devote myself to "growing my family".  No-answers didn't  started coming to me and money definitely did not began turning up in the mail. I didn't receive any specific answers. I am still waiting. for that! My children are pretty sure I am having a mid-life crisis. Maybe I am. I just keep reassuring them it will all come together and until it does to please not answer the phone unless you are 100% sure you know the number! . I once heard this saying," If you always do what you have always done, You will always get what you have always got." I am sorry I cannot remember the name of the women speaker, but her quote has stuck with me.
 

Today there are a lot of unknowns. Money? Rent? Food?  I know faith doesn't fill an empty plate. I will have to make decisions and we will all need to adjust. It will be a long and bumpy road, but I am finally able to get out of neutral and kick it in gear..So begins my journey. It would mean a lot to me if you all decided to ride along. I can't say for sure where we are going, but I know it is in right direction!